Rosie Day as Angel in The Seasoning House
01) The Seasoning House: I wouldn’t actually classify this as a horror movie, other than one or two fairly gory scenes. It’s more of a thriller with disturbing content. The Netflix synopsis was WAY off (something about “The only thing that can save them is what’s hidden in the walls that trap them.”); it’s actually about human sexual slavery. It was very well acted and suspenseful so, if you’re up for that heavy of a subject, I do recommend it.
02) Apartment 1303: Truly, truly awful. The timelines made no sense, the characters were completely unbelievable and unlikeable, and there are scenes where it’s obvious that something was edited out that was pivotal to the scene. It’s not even a “it’s so bad, it’s good” thing. It’s just bad.
03) Oculus: I liked Oculus a lot. It was really creepy, had lots of good jumps, had a really unique concept, and kept me on my toes. It did leave me with a few questions, but nothing I couldn’t deal with.
04) The Returned: This was WAY better than I expected. There are only a couple of real zombie scenes, it’s more so a drama/thriller outside of that, but I recommend it if you like zombie movies that are more about the survivors/world in general.
05) The Haunting of Helena: Eh. It wasn’t TERRIBLE but it certainly wasn’t great. I have a tooth thing so a couple of scenes really got to me, but if you’re not horribly afraid of the tooth fairy, I think this would be pretty dull.
06) Barricade: Oh, Will Truman. Why? I thought I was going to like it: trapped in a snow storm? It’s like The Shining, what could go wrong? Well, a lot. I have no idea what happened. At all.
07) Toad Road: This one frustrated me. 1) So much wiener in the first few minutes. 2) I could barely tell a couple of the actors apart and they only call like 2 people by their names so I couldn’t even differentiate them that way. 3) The idea was great and creepy but it just NEVER got there. 4) I have no idea what happened. I just DON’T KNOW. If someone watches this and gets it, PLEASE explain it to me.
08) Wishmaster: Kelly and I hadn’t seen this. I was expecting horrible 90’s and it did deliver that, but it actually stood up pretty well for being 17 years old. If you like older cult horror movies, this is a decent one.
09) Dark Touch: Really different and very sad. I liked it but it was tough to watch at parts; it deals with really sensitive subject matter (no spoilers here).
10) Slaughterhouse: I saw this movie when I was 8 and I’ve had a weird fear/hate/love for pigs ever since. I decided to re-watch it to see if it’s as terrifying as I remembered, and it actually kind of is. As a horror movie, it’s awful. But as something that scarred me as a kid, the parts that terrified me or disturbed me still terrify and disturb me. Kelly just kept saying, “NO WONDER!” and “This explains so much.”
11) 7 Below: Had I known Val Kilmer was in this, I wouldn’t have chosen it. To give you an indication of what we thought of this movie, we went to bed with 40 minutes left and finished it 2 days later. It didn’t make sense (they reference this TERRIBLE storm yet show a shot of the sky with zero clouds and a glowing moon, etc) and it was pretty terribly acted.
Olivia Cooke as Jane Harper in The Quiet Ones
12) The Quiet Ones: LOVED THIS. I don’t think I’ve ever jumped more at a movie; I must’ve jumped 10 times. It was creepy, well acted, had some interesting turns, and didn’t overdo it with the “found footage” aspect. I definitely recommend this one.
13) The Sacrament: It’s Eli Roth so I was expecting something shocking and disturbing… but I wasn’t prepared for this. Through the entire movie, I kept thinking I had a handle on things, but I really didn’t. I personally wouldn’t classify this as “horror”. There are a couple of shocking, graphic scenes but it’s more of a drama to me. I had read a lot of people said it was slow, but I like a movie that takes its time building towards something, so long as the climax is worth it, and this was.
14) April Fool’s Day: Another one that scared me as a kid, but this one did NOT have the staying power to scare me like Slaughterhouse. It’s a decent 80’s (it came out in 1990 but OMG THE HAIR. It’s 80’s.) slasher flick.
15) Stephen King’s It: Definitely scarier than I remembered, even with the 2-3 HORRIBLE claymation/CGI scenes.
16) The Bell Witch Haunting: This movie pissed me off. It would’ve actually been pretty decent (a few good jumps, interesting locations, etc) but the editing was AWFUL. AWFUL. Timelines skip around all over the place, a bandage suddenly appears on the dad’s arm but it’s not for 20 minutes that he actually gets the cut, and on and on and on. It’s like nobody actually watched the finished product.
17) The Blair Witch Project: I hadn’t seen this in years, I think I’ve only watched it once since I saw it in the theaters. As expected, still scary.
18) Paranormal Asylum: I should’ve listened to Tommy and Kelly when they told me never, ever to watch this POS. But I didn’t. And they were right. Total POS: horrible acting, atrocious make up, unlikable characters. The only somewhat redeeming quality is that the lead actor is hot.
19) +1: This is one of my favorite so far. It’s really different and cool. Not something that’ll keep you up at night, but I definitely recommend it.
20) Pumpkinhead: This movie scared the hell out of me as a kid and I have to say that, for a movie that was made 26 years ago, it stands up! The creature make up alone is worth a watch; Greg Nicotero of The Walking Dead fame is part of the make up crew.
21) Cabin Fever: I saw this years ago and really, really loved it. On re-watch, I didn’t like it AS much – it’s a lot more… I don’t know, filler? than I remember. Eli Roth’s cameo(s), the weird kid at the gas station, etc. Aside from that, though, it’s a solid, gross (in the good way) virus movie.
22) Munger Road: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT watch this! It was JUST getting good when “TO BE CONTINUED” flashed across the screen. A quick Google search told us that Munger Road is the first in a two-part series, the second half of which never got released.
23) 28 Days Later: I’d seen this years ago and absolutely LOVED it. I think I’m getting soft in my old age, because it was way more brutal than I remembered. Still great, just don’t call it a zombie movie. The infected are not zombies.
24) Poltergeist: This really stands up to the test of time. There are a couple of scenes where the effects are painfully out of date, but other than that, DEFINITELY still scary.
25) Poltergeist II: I thought I’d only seen the first one as a kid, but after finishing the first, there were still two things I remembered: braces and worm. It wasn’t until we were a few minutes into the movie, when Carol Ann was drawing a picture of a super creepy old dude, that I remembered Kane. I immediately got goose bumps and demanded Kelly turn it off. I had completely blocked ever seeing it, most likely because Kane is truly chilling. She didn’t turn it off, of course, and I can still hear his voice in my head. Ugh, chills.
26) Poltergeist III: Woof. They should have stopped at II.
Melanie Papalia as Elizabeth Benton in The Den
27) The Den: Yes! Loved this! An interesting, unique spin on found footage, decent gore effects, SEVERAL good jumps. This was in my top 3 for the month.
28) Entity: The first 2 minutes of the movie are definitely the scariest part. After that, nothing special – half found footage movies are tough.
29) Torment: While it was definitely creepy, had a couple of solid jumps, but it’s very The Strangers-esque and only The Strangers can do The Strangers. I think my love for Katharine Isabelle (Ava Wilson in Supernatural) helped.
30) Alien Abduction: I was REALLY surprised at how much Kelly and I both liked this. It’s a found footage, so whether that’s your thing or not, I’m not sure… but it’s a fairly interesting take on it, and alien movies (when done right) are so creepy.
31) The Exorcist: I didn’t see The Exorcist until last year. I expected some cheesy 70’s movie with horrible effects. Let me tell you: The Exorcist holds up. We chose it as our last horror movie for this October and it was a great choice.