“I wanna let go and know that I’ll be alright…”

I’ve been writing this in my head for nearly 48 hours but it’s still not coming out easily. All I can think is how seeing Matt Nathanson perform live is bittersweet. Sweet when you’re seeing him and so, so bitter when it’s done. I’m half-seriously contemplating moving to San Francisco JUST so I can see him perform live more. I know that sounds a bit over the top but… well, maybe I can try to explain.

Matt Nathanson at Festa Italiana - 07/20/13

Matt Nathanson at Festa Italiana – 07/20/13

The first 6 rows of the bleachers were blocked off for radio VIP winners, so we got the 7th row, directly behind the barricades. When the show started, the tallest guy in the joint stood in front of me (of course), so I chose to stand on the bleachers with everyone else around me. I was basically eye level with Matt straight in front of him. Now that I think of it, I probably should have felt awkward but I was all wrapped up in the moment so it never occurred to me.

That’s the thing I love best about live music (particularly Matt Nathanson) – it pulls me out of my own head and into a moment, which is something that ONLY happens for me in the presence of live music. It’s the ONLY time I feel comfortable and free. I feel like very spiritual people must feel when they go to church. I feel inspired and weightless and like this moment is the only thing in the world. The fact that I’m standing with some of my best friends… in the same space as Matt Nathanson and his talent and lyrics and banter and passion and truth… it’s all that matters. So when it ends, for a couple of days, I feel almost empty. Awkward and clumsy and heavy and back up in my own head all the time.

Thankfully, after a few days the post-concert blues go away and I’m just me again, but I still crave those few, fleeting moments at a live show when I’m just a PART of something bigger and everything makes sense.

If you’re reading this (thank you!), I hope it makes sense. If it doesn’t and I sound completely over-dramatic or pretentious, then I hope you find the thing that makes you feel this way… whether it’s running or hunting or knitting or skiing or deep sea diving.  If this does make sense to you, I hope something in your stomach or mind tugs when you read this and you think “Yeah, I know that feeling…”. And if so, I’d love to hear what makes you feel that way – leave me a comment!

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One thought on ““I wanna let go and know that I’ll be alright…”

  1. This is exactly what I was attempting to say. Especially the part of being comfortable and free… and then being back up in your own head for days afterwards. Bittersweet is exactly the way to describe it.

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